I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
