my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
