filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
