And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
