New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
