C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
