I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
