i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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