the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
