take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
