sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
