i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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