I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
