I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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