dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I need to calm my uterus...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
