I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
