her vagine was all disorganized.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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