Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
