The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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