Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
