so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
