Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
