I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize