just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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