Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
