you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
