I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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