If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
