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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
