drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
