ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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