I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
