i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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