Midget sex pt 2 tonight
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
