Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
