it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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