I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Less talking, more tequila
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He shit in the fireplace
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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