I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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