i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
