drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
