Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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