i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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