Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
