no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
