the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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