Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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