I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Your penis caused this!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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