They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just found puke in my bra..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
