you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
