Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
