i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
