Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
