Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize