fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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