you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
