i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
