Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I AM VODKA MAN
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
