doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
