so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
