Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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