gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
