Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Shame - the story of my life.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
