I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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