Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I faked an abortion last night.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
