i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im holly from the hills drunk
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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