it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
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you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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