Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
