if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
