And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i need some magic done to my vagina
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
