you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
