I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
