I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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