I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
