there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
