i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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