did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
