Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
