Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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