I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
