Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
