Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
