What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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