I just cut my nipple shaving
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
