so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
