What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
